The ladies at work are planning a bridal shower for me.

I think this is the closest thing to clearing away my loneliness that I've had in a long time. People are getting excited for attending a shower for me and my wedding. It had been really depressing because Sean and I both felt like nobody was excited about our wedding but us. Including our parents. (Sidenote: we know they are, but deep down they're sad because their child is leaving them to start their own family--that has to be sad...)

Also the fact that my church family is flying me home for a bridal shower there. I really felt like they didn't care when they wanted me to fly home on my own accord again to go to a shower. That hurt my feelings a lot. But I think one person realized that it wasn't right and insisted that they fly me home. I don't even care if I don't get as many presents, because it means the world to me that they started to care enough to get me there.

I still feel friendless.

Part of it I know could be my own fault. I spend most of my free time with Sean when I can. I feel like I barely get to see him as is, which makes it hard. He is my number one person in my life now so he takes priority. Which I think is only fair. Granted, I shouldn't neglect any other relationships. My struggle is, because of my bond with Sean, I feel like I've been treated like the ugly stepchild. Maybe that's not fair. But I feel like I've gone out of my way sometimes only to be used, stepped on, or had the person only take care of themself.

I know people care. Everyone's cared about by someone. But I feel like that number has shrunk.

Leaving Searcy won't solve everything. If anything, it might be more difficult. Because then neither of us will have a basis. But being able to establish ourselves as a couple might be easier in finding friends that are also in a similar situation. Granted, this probably won't come for a year or two. Neither of us enjoy moving. And the next move will be permanent. It'll be to a place where Sean and I could raise a family. So this is something we're not planning on taking lightly or rushing into.

But back to work. I just need to clear my head in order to get my mind back into what i'm doing.