A Word of Warning

I am at the Garden State point in my life.

This statement is utterly pointless if you have not seen this movie. But if you're reading this blog, then, how have you not seen this movie? But for a little clarification, this is what I mean.

You're almost to that adult stage. You've had your first real jobs. You have to pay bills, buy insurance, get your taxes done, think about investing for the future a little. But, you're not real important in your job. Your entry level or a little above. You don't necessarily live at home, but sometimes, part of you wants to run to the parent you would go to for problems. You could think marriage, but the responsibility of actually being a parent scares you beyond belief.

It's the anticipation of what is to come. That's what this part of life is. You long for the carefree days of school where your biggest headache was that math problem that seemed impossible on your algebra class and the boy you have a big crush on saw you with snot dripping out of your nose when you laughed to hard in the cafeteria. Granted, those were big problems back then. But I'd rather worry about snot running out my nose than paying my insurance bill, making rent, and wondering what kind of job my husband's going to have.

I'm really scared.

That wasn't the thought behind this entry. This is kind of just how my mind went. I was originally going to write about how marriage is harder than I expected. Even for a couple like us who have been together for a long time and really genuinely love each other.

But my mind keeps wandering.

My mind is so focused on the fact that I don't know what is to come. That is absolutely frightening to me. I feel like I'm just kind of floating. I'm not fully any place. And it's like purgatory. And the idea behind purgatory is truly my hell.

Perhaps when my hormones get back to normal I won't feel like this. If my hormones every get back to normal.