Sometimes I hate my life...

I did it.

I sent an email this morning to Laura telling her I can't pursue the position I had been. I can't take a nearly $3 pay cut (due to my merit increase in June) for only 20% off tuition. I told her I'm interested in the Admin Assistant position. I think I could do it. Once I was comfortable enough and the knowledge of a boss who'll support me if I stick my neck out on the line, I could really flourish and grow.

I wish I did it with a happy heart. I want to throw away the almost 14 lbs I lost to eat a tub of Ben and Jerry's and cry myself ot sleep.

The worst part is, I had the HR position in the bag. They knew, I knew it, but they knew it didn't have the benefits I needed to justify taking such a huge pay cut. It hurt my heart. I liked them so much. But I need to think about our future. That more money in the bank means and better quality house in the future, vacations to enjoy that we otherwise couldn't, and better means to fall back on for retirement.

But, as always, my head and my heart just duke out and leave me teary-eyed.

I need prayers. For what, I'm really not sure.